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Updated Updated 4 April However, in some societies, coming out is impossible. He felt he could not abandon those obligations. He asked whether he should marry even though he could not function sexually with a woman. The Frustration of Sexual Infidelity Sexual infidelity is not the ultimate betrayal; the lies used to cover the offense are far more damaging.
The injured spouse feels a mixture of emotions: Lying erodes the trust that must form the basis of a successful relationship. Spouses often become suspicious of infidelity because something is disrupting the normal day-to-day functioning of their relationship.
The offender may be angry, critical, or dissatisfied. He may act guilty, anxious, or disengaged. Attention, including sexual, may decrease or, in fact, increase. Being faithful when in a relationship is difficult for many couples, straight or gay. Because homosexual attractions will never go away, the number for MSM may be even higher. When the spouse discovers a reoccurring betrayal, it sends her a message that the offender neither regretted the offense nor seriously intended to change.
His wife began to suspect he was interested in men and searched for clues of his deception. When confronted, Kevin made the perfect apology to his wife. He expressed his guilt and admitted that what he had done was wrong. He gave no excuse or defense for having wronged her, telling his wife she had every right to feel hurt. The betrayer may believe his confession has erased his guilt. He may argue his intentions were good and that he lied to his spouse to protect her.
He may believe his behavior was unintended or due to extenuating circumstances; therefore, it must be excusable. With the risk of reoffending so high, the therapist will want to explore these questions with the straight spouse: Revelation could lead to public disrespect and her loss of social status. Such disgrace may provoke feelings of hatred and a wish to hide or escape. In some cases, the straight spouse clings to her relationship with the MSM in a very dysfunctional way, a reflection of her own lack of investment in the relationship.